I do not purport to be a writer. My day job is advising businesses in the North East of England. I co-wrote a book of pure, unadulterated lewdness alongside my long time friend Andrew Baker in 2008 as a challenge to ourselves. I live in Middlesbrough - which might account for the inanity of my writing.
The Pacific Plate is one of the most geological active areas in the world, and the site of constant volcanic and earthquake activity. The Ring of Fire, in the Pacific Ocean, will soon escalate its impact on mankind. Two brothers, one a geologist and one a surfer are at the center of and event that will change the Earth, forever.
The book was written as a personal challenge by the authors. The story is very loosely based around the legend of The Hartlepool Monkey (Google it!) and concerns the darkly entertaining pursuit of a magical 'orb' that has powers to save the world from evil domination. It is lewd, juvenile and downright perverse in parts, but we believe it to be a work of pure genius. Well, we would say that wouldn't we?
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#000000;">"Pacy, innovative and very self-aware humour. Spike Milligan would be proud."</span><span style="color:#000000;"><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#000000;">"This is a good read ...a quilt of eccentric disreputable notions."</span><span style="color:#000000;"><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#000000;">"This is astoundingly original, and like a breath of fresh air. I never knew where it was going to take me next. This one pulls out all the stops. It's surreal, for sure, but in a kind of grounded way. Just when we think it can't get any more mad ... well, it can."</span><span style="color:#000000;"><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#000000;">"How weird. But fun too. Love the Smiths, sorry the Snaiths, think they may be neighbors of mine! This is a crazy yarn for mad adults. A winner."</span><span style="color:#000000;"><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#000000;">"You have me in stitches!! This is so... British? Hilarious, anyway. You're sick, and I love it!"</span><span style="color:#000000;"><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#000000;">"Roaringly funny, if that's a word!!" </span><span style="color:#000000;"><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#000000;">"Your first chapter proves as delightful as your title. It's loads of fun with a cracking pace. Top stuff." </span><span style="color:#000000;"><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#000000;">"Lots of fun! The pace is great, the characters are alive. I really enjoyed it." </span><span style="color:#000000;"><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#000000;">"You guys are hilarious. Being an experienced reader, a quasi-experienced writer, but a crap book critic, I can't dissect it, analyze it, or feed it back to you in little bite sized chunks on a cracker. It's really funny in a brilliant way I am not genius enough to explain back to you."</span><span style="color:#000000;"><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#000000;">"Juvenile and lewd said your pitch - well we cannot say we weren't warned can we? It's also great fun. I think for me the book came alive when the ape turned out to be German, that was the LOL point for me. A pretty outstanding read."</span><span style="color:#000000;"><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#000000;">"It is all your fault that, at this time of night, I laughed so loudly that my baby son has just woke up."</span><span style="color:#000000;"><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#000000;">"Oh my goodness. Shelved just for the sheer amount of laughing this has generated with me already. I dread to think where you get your ideas from. Loved it."</span><span style="color:#000000;"><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#000000;">"Guys, the pitch is wonderful, the idea is extremely original. This is barmy enough to have a little place on my shelf, and I wish you the best of luck with it. "</span><span style="color:#000000;"><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#000000;">"Gentlemen: This is fun - bizarre, but fun! I've laughed out loud while reading this and it's got some great ideas. Good to see short paragraphs - lots of writers get this wrong but yours were spot on. The story is very funny and engaging and Julia & David are believable."</span><span style="color:#000000;"><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#000000;">"Can I just say that I'd have loved to have been in the pub when you worked this one out..."</span><span style="color:#000000;"><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#000000;">"I usually ask people to swap reads but your title just stopped me in my tracks. I think you two must do some strange stuff-but I like it. Light-hearted and just what I need when I'm snowed in. I think this will be the first and only time I give 12/10 for originality. There must be a market for stuff like this-surely everyone (well every bloke) would pick this up in the airport lounge to see what it was about. Thanks for brightening my day"</span><span style="color:#000000;"><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#000000;">"Now, this is the kind of shit I am looking for!"</span></p>