The Story Behind This Book
I’ve faced many difficult moments in my life. But preparing to tell my son that I will be divorcing his father was absolutely one of the worst.
He, after all, was innocent -- a sweet eleven year old who loved his father and mother dearly. He certainly did not deserve this.
I struggled with anxiety for weeks in advance. When should we tell him? How? And what should we say?
How do you explain to a child that the life he has known is about to be disrupted – forever? How do you tell him that none of this is his fault?
And how do you prepare him for all the unknowns looming ahead when you’re not sure yourself how it will all turn out?
One night in bed at 4 a.m. a thought came to me that resonated in a powerful way. What if I prepared a photo album for my son that told the story of our family in pictures and words? And what if it spanned from before he was born right up to the present, preparing him for the new changes ahead?
The storybook concept gave him something tangible to hold on to, and read again and again. It would explain why this was happening and what to expect. And, rather than stumbling through an awkward conversation, it would give me a written script that was well thought through in advance.
The idea still had merit the next morning and so I moved ahead in this new direction.
When I completed the storybook and showed it to my husband, he approved. It was neither judgmental nor accusatory. Instead it told the truth while focusing on messages of mutual agreement – the love and concern we both had for our son.
While my husband was angry with me about many issues, he agreed the book was well done. We decided to present it together.
The dreaded day came, and as I started reading about changes, tensions and disagreements in our family, tears pooled up in my son’s eyes. By the time I reached the end, he was weeping uncontrollably and clinging to both of us tightly.
And then, as a family, we talked, cried, hugged, answered questions, reread important passages and consoled one another.
The deed was done. And somehow, having the book to hold on to was helpful for my son as well as for us. We discussed the impending divorce many times in the next weeks and months. Sometimes we reread sections in the book as a reminder that things will be okay.
It’s been more than a decade since I prepared that storybook. I’ve used it as the basis for my new book, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! The book provides fill-in-the-blank templates so other parents can customize with their own family story and still have the essential messages they want to share with their children when the family is facing divorce.
I’ve also founded the Child-Centered Divorce Network where parents can find free articles, my ezine, blog, coaching services and other valuable resources about divorce and parenting just when they need it most. Visit www.childcentereddivorce.com to see it all.
I’ve since remarried, and my son is now a grown young man. In fact last year he got married himself – and his father and I were both there to celebrate this most joyous occasion. It was a happy ending that I can only wish for every family ever facing divorce.
Most important of all, my wonderful son became a veterinary cardiologist and is still very close to both me and his father. When I asked him to write the Introduction to my new book he said he was deeply honored. Of course, the honor was really mine!
Reading his kind, sincere and compassionate words brought tears to my eyes. He thanked his Dad and me for handling the divorce in the best possible way and knew he was very fortunate in that regard. He acknowledged the way we co-parented him and offered his enthusiastic endorsement for my book and its child-centered concept.
There is nothing more gratifying for a parent than to have your grown-up child acknowledge you as a parent. It’s the ultimate reward and for me was one of the most fulfilling moments in my life. I pray that other parents coping with divorce can ultimately enjoy that same experience with their children!
Of course, until my son becomes a parent himself he’ll never quite understand just how much every word he wrote really means to me!
Praise and Reviews
Clinical Psychologist, Jack Singer
says …
"Rosalind Sedacca's
'How Do I Tell the Kids about the DIVORCE?' is a much needed
breakthrough in the emotional minefield that parents traverse when they prepare
their children for an impending divorce. The template, storybook
strategy sends sensitive, kind, loving and safe messages, which every
child needs as they prepare for the scary unknown. I recommend her book
for everyone who has children and is contemplating divorce."
Jack Singer, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical &
Forensic Psychologist
Expert Witness, Custody
and Family Matters
Professional Speaker,
Trainer and Consultant
44-year Practicing Divorce Attorney, J. Richard Kulerski, Esq. says …
Rosalind Sedacca has just improved the lives of countless
children. I have practiced divorce law for 44 years and will attest to the
importance of how children are introduced to their parents’ divorce. While we
all did the best we could, few of us were ever confident that we assimilated
the children into our divorce in the very best way possible. We can now rest
easy. How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? gives us something
simple and sound to rely upon. There is absolutely no downside to Rosalind’s storybook
concept. It’s all good and it beats anything else that I’ve come across.
In fact, it’s great and it is definitely something that the world has
needed ever since divorce was invented. The book is a winner and it is also a
lifesaver.
J. Richard Kulerski,
Esq.
Noted
Celebrity Divorce Attorney Raoul Felder
says …
“How
Do I Tell the Kids…about the DIVORCE? is unique in that it
offers parents an innovative approach to having that difficult and usually
dreaded initial conversation with their children and making it as positive and
supportive as possible. The
fill-in-the-blanks template concept is original and will be an extremely useful
tool for families during a difficult time.
A parent contemplating a divorce would be well served by reading this valuable
book.”
Raoul Felder,
Attorney
Divorce Attorney turned Mediator Cynthia Tiano
says …
Rosalind’s brilliant book’s non-judgmental, compassionate
and no-nonsense approach will resonate with all divorcing parents – even those
with the most challenging relationships.
It is a critical piece of the divorce puzzle, and a must read! I will recommend this book to every one of my
mediation clients who have children.
Cynthia Tiano, Esq.
Author, “Happily Divorced! Secrets of the Win-Win
Formula”
www.PeacefulDivorceProject.org
32-year
therapist, Beverly Gibel says …
“Rosalind Sedacca has
made a monumental contribution to self-help resources in an area that affects
the lives of millions of men, women and children. After 32 years of counseling
people in various stages of uncoupling, I can testify to the urgent need of a
"how to" guide for people contemplating divorce. This book offers
them a "life preserver." I have already referred my patients to this
material and have received great feedback. I cannot recommend this book highly
enough.”
Beverly
Gibel, LCSW, ACSW, BCD
Family Therapy
Specialist, Amy Sherman says …
"How Do I Tell the
Kids about the Divorce? is a unique, user-friendly guide for parents who want
to broach the subject of divorce with their children in the most caring and
thoughtful way. I commend Rosalind for her ingenuity and creativity in
helping to reduce the trauma of such a difficult subject."
Amy Sherman, MA LMHC
Author and Pastoral Counselor, Dr. Matthew Anderson says …
“This book
will be both healing and helpful to children of divorce and their
parents. It is insightful and a particularly pragmatic, down-to-earth
tool for dealing with a terribly difficult subject. God bless you,
Rosalind, for writing it and also for living it.”
Matthew
Anderson, D.Min.
Mediator/Attorney Don S. Klein says …
I
have been doing divorce & custody law for 18 years and am presently a
custody mediator for Lehigh and NorthamptonCounties in PA. I
found Rosalind Sedacca’s book to express the essence of having parents and
children still retain their love and respect for one another through
preparing a storybook that keeps the fabric of their family as one.
Every divorcing family should use this book.
Don
S. Klein, Esq.
|
Psychotherapist, Mediator and Radio Host Moreah
Ragusa says …
On behalf of divorcing parents and my self, heart-felt
thanks goes to Rosalind Sedacca for creating her brilliant book! It is a
gift beyond measure for divorcing parents, which I recommend regularly to my
clients and radio audience. Within its pages is critical information you need
to know, and a masterfully created storybook template to share one of life’s
most difficult transitions, divorce. Owning this book will bring you clarity,
courage and wisdom!
Moreah Ragusa, RFM, and Host of Divorce Help Radio
Family Mediator and Psychotherapist, Dr. Deri
Ronis says …
I highly recommend "How Do I
Tell the Kids about the Divorce?" The issue of divorce is pervasive
and this user friendly guidebook is good for both children and
parents. Its style is non-judgmental and helpful, full of practical, easy
to understand advice that anyone can use. It is a healing balm based on
the author's own experience which is crucial to empathizing with
those going through the same experience. As a State Certified
Family Mediator and Psychotherapist, I cannot emphasize enough the importance
of having such an easy to use tool for a very challenging situation."
Deri Joy Ronis, Ph.D.
Therapist and
former Guidance Counselor JoAnn Simmons says …
At last! A breakthrough “hands on” divorce guidebook
brilliantly designed to help soften the divorce announcement blow for
children. This book is a MUST for any
divorcing parent who wants a humanistic approach to telling their
children. “Heads up” to guidance
counselors, religious leaders, family therapists, and child-care advocates.
This book is ideal to use in individual therapy, group classes and parent conferences
and is bound to help thousands of children. The family photo’s and messages
reinforce the concept that their parents really do care about them.
JoAnn C.Simmons, MA,
LMHC, RCC
Psychotherapist
and author, Dr. Paul Wanio says …
“Rosalind Sedacca has
put together a vital tool in helping children (and families) through one of the
most difficult times in life. Her new book, "How Do I Tell the
Kids about the Divorce?" moves beyond a traditional "self-help
book" and becomes a real, practical, ongoing part of a child's life. It
accomplishes this by being interactive and involving real participation by the
child and other family members. I am proud to have contributed
to this wonderful project that Rosalind created from her own, personal
experience as well as the participation of other mental health
professionals. I highly recommend this as more than a book, but a
tool to assist children to more successfully navigate the disorientation
and maze that is part and parcel of divorce.”
C. Paul Wanio, Ph.D.,
LMFT, LMHC
Author and
Parenting Specialist, Dr. Sally Goldberg
says …
“This hands-on
interactive storybook is a must for all parents going through a divorce. It is
a step-by-step guide for appropriately including children in the process. No
parent should leave their home without it!”
Sally
Goldberg, PhD
Center for Successful
Children
Parenting Specialist
Author of Constructive Parenting and other
parenting books
Author and
Pastoral Counselor, Heidi Richards
says …
“Divorce is a traumatic
event in everyone’s life – parents and children alike. It is often
difficult to talk about in a rational, meaningful way – especially during the
first days and weeks after one parent moves out. The days leading up to
and after the divorce can leave children feeling uncertain about their own
futures, especially since they don’t have the tools to cope with those feelings
of sadness, anger and confusion. How do I Tell the Kids… about the DIVORCE? helps children
through the experience of divorce, to open up and deal with their feelings in
ways that are comforting and effective in a language they can understand.
Reading “How do I Tell the Kids…
about the DIVORCE?” should be a requirement for anyone going through
this life-altering event before the Divorce is final.”
Heidi
Richards, MA – Pastoral Counselor, Mother,
Author, Trainer and Coach
Founder of
Mommy Mentors, Barbara Theodoseiou says …
“What an innovative way
to help parents say and do what’s in the best interest of their children when
divorce is on the horizon. Rosalind Sedacca’s storybook concept is creative,
easy to follow, and just what families need to keep them on track as they face
separation, divorce and beyond. The insights and advice of her excellent team
of experts add to the value of this important book. I applaud Rosalind for a book
I can heartily recommend.”
Barbara
Theodosiou
Founder, Mommy Mentors
and the
Women’s Business
Mastermind Group
Relationship
Coach Mari Smith says …
“Rosalind,
your book is sheer brilliance! Filled with sound advice for all parties, How
Do I Tell the Kids… about the DIVORCE? provides a unique opportunity for
families struggling through this difficult time to create a tangible, pictorial
representation of the good times that could be a keepsake for years, even
generations, to come. Your book will surely help children of divorced parents
grow up to be more emotionally resilient adults. (I only wish my parents had
this invaluable tool for their divorce when I was 12—I found it therapeutic to
go through almost 30 years later!)”
Mari Smith – Relationship
Coach
Relationship
Expert, Dr. Jackie Black says …
How Do I Tell the Kids
about the Divorce?
is written with deep compassion and understanding for children whose parents
are divorcing. It is THE must-have “resource” guide for parents struggling to
tell their children about a divorce. The book includes clear directions,
creative suggestions and excellent information regarding children’s legitimate
fears and upsets. Rosalind provides all the support parents could need to dig
down deep and tell the painful truth about their divorce to their
children. Bravo!
Jackie Black, Ph.D.; Relationship Expert, Educator and
Coach; Author of Meeting Your Match: Cracking the Code to Successful
Relationships
Divorce Mediator and Attorney Belinda Rachman says …
Rosalind Sedacca has invaluable information
to share with divorcing parents. I believe in her book so strongly that I have
added her as the only link on my website! There is no other book like
hers. There is no other book a couple needs to help them with the most
difficult conversation a parent can have with a child, that their parents are
getting divorced. You are VERY lucky to have found my partner in the peaceful
divorce movement.
Belinda Rachman, Esq
Radio host Joanna Marie says …
One of the biggest challenges of my divorce was trying to
figure out how to tell my 5 year old son. I was terrified and didn’t even
know where to begin until a friend gave me this book. What a
savior! Not only did the book explain the concept, but actually gave me a
template to work from. I found that putting the scrapbook together for my
son was good for both of us. I know my son will continue to have
questions as he grows up and I feel good knowing that he has a solid reference
to turn to whenever he needs it.
Joanna Marie, Director Radio Programming/Operations, WXEL