Have you ever seen Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? That's really how I saw myself; a monster, deformed and ugly on every level.
I couldn't stand the sight of my own face for longer than 20 seconds. The combination of looking into the mirror and a razor next to my throat didn't seem like a good idea most days. I started growing a full beard so I could avoid looking into the mirror.
I have spent the majority of my time since 2004 on a path of self-discovery and self-healing. My path has crisscrossed millennium and oceans in the books of sages and saints. I have studied and contemplated God from many angles. I have searched for perennial truth the world wide from my living quarters in Dana Point, San Clemente, and Venice Ca, Guarapari ES Brasil, and finally I have returned to Buffalo, Ohio.
Throughout my journey and studies, I have stepped into the space of energy that we recognize on this planet as Love.
I understand Love in a whole new manner today, having spent nearly two months with the feeling of having "fallen in Love". The feeling wells up inside of me freely and easily without any outside influence. I have no romantic interest at this time. I spend my non-work life relatively alone. I share very few meals with another being. Yet, at the core of my being I feel love.
I am reminded of many past relationships and how they began. I felt giddy, alive, and vibrant at the thought of certain people in my life. The trees were taller, the grass greener and birds sang songs of glory where ever I found myself walking.
This is how I feel moment by moment today. This is how I have felt for nearly two years now, minus a few interactions. But, more than that I have found a simple Joy in my life I never felt possible. No drug I have known came close. No relationship could have provided. Nothing in this world can be purchased.
I've read about this Joy, this acceptance of the present moment many times before and never really quite understood how to maintain it. I never really heard anyone state what I needed to do to get here. That is why I write at my website, and that's why I published my book "It's All About ME; A Soul Surfer's Guide to Happiness through the Mastery of Self". I am in the process of creating powerful tools of transformation.
My wish is to guide people into this union with Love and Joy, by explaining my journey and discoveries through the stages of my consciousness from victim to freedom. My wish is for all those who read this, as few or many as that may be to heal themselves from all bitterness and grief and awaken to a deeper reality of life that is buried just under the surface of the mind's chatter.
My wish is for all beings on this planet to awaken to their own sovereignty, and walk the path of Love. I will do so as guided by both my memories and my daily observations with the best of intentions and the best of my abilities.
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