ABOUT Ray Merrill

Ray Merrill


When a child is born with an addiction, he experiences dark moods that remain with him into adulthood. A school life that is punctuated by regular violence does nothing to help the already strained family ties and sense of loss at the passing of loved ones, while the memories of the past remain unresolved and negative thoughts lead to a life as a recluse.

Hiding the shocking secrets of his past hidden deep within him, he struggles to cope with whom he is and finds it almost impossible to find the peace he so desperately needs.

But somehow, through everything, he finds an inner strength he never knew existed and discovers a way to keep going, despite the obstacles he faces and the heartbreak that nearly led him to destruction.

Author R.A. Merrill shares his experiences of battling physical and emotional abuse. Suicidal for a time, he survived five attempts as he experienced a feeling of “depersonalization” and detachment from reality.

Eventually, he became addicted to the “buzzed feeling” that alcohol gave him, relying on this for 18 years to numb his emotional pain. A brush with the law resulted in a three-year probation sentence but eventually, he somehow survived his darkened past.