IT MAY NOT SEEM LIKE IT NOW, BUT YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Ashley Nicole Asher's life changes forever on the night her mother, Cheryl, meets Charlie Baker.
Withina year of her mother's marriage to Charlie, typical nine-year-oldAshley's life becomes a nightmare of sexual abuse and emotionalneglect. Bundling her body in blankets and sleeping in her closet totry to avoid Charlie's nighttime assaults, she is driven by rage at age15 to to tell her mother, in spite of the threats Charlie has used tokeep Ashley silent.
Believingthat telling will make Charlie go away, instead it reveals to Ashleywhere she lies on her mother's list of priorities.
"We're just going to move on now," Cheryl tells Ashley. "Go to your room."
Ashley'spsyche splinters into shards of glass, and she desperately tries tofigure a way out, while at the same time battling numbness and aninability to remember what happened when she blacked out after Charlietackled her.
Sheknew that when she awoke her clothes were disheveled and the lower-halfof her body was covered in bright red blood-- but she has only a blankspot in the "video" of her memory.
WhenAshley's friend, Lisa, sees a note from Cheryl telling Ashley thatCharlie would never "do those things to her," and insisting that sheapologize for accusing him of molesting her, Lisa forces dazed Ashleyto make an outcry to her teacher, Mrs. Chapman.
Bythe end of the day, Ashley's father, David, who has not seen Ashleysince she was three months old, is standing in the offices of Child andFamily Services. He brings her home to the small East Texas town ofPatience, where he lives with his wife, Beverly, their son, Ben, andworks with his brother, Frank.
Throughthe summer school English class/ Quest for Truth taught by Beverly, an"outside-the-box" high school English teacher whose passion forteaching comes second only to her insistence upon authenticity, Ashleycomes to know Roxanne Blake, a girl scarred outwardly by a horrificauto crash and inwardly by the belief that she is "Dr. Frankenstein'slittle experiment";
Wilbur"Dub" White, a fast-talking smart mouth whose stepfather is a whitesupremacist who nearly kills a man while Dub watches from the shadows,forcing Dub to realize that he cannot live with the person that he is,any longer;
Zaquoiah"Z.Z." Freeman, one of the few African-Americans in Patience, whosetargeted-for-extinction family inherited the estate of one ofPatience's founding families and has been given the charge to "turnthis godforsaken town on its head";
Hector"Junior" Alvarez, a father at sixteen whose own father was killed inprison, who works two jobs and is fueled by the determination to "do itright" for his son, "3", and his girlfriend, Moreyma;
T.W.Griffin, whose football-coach father expects him to be Number One ateverything, and whose mother naively believes that he is too young tothink about sex; and
KevinCooper, a not-so-bright football player with a heart of gold, whosemother, Trini, a reporter for the local paper, is instrumental inexposing the ugliness that is censorship.
Everyperson in the class is confronted with a challenge that they must facehead-on. The choices they make will not be easy—but they will belife-altering. With the exception of her mother and step-father, Ashleyis surrounded by people who overcome their fear to embrace authenticityand truth-- the only way to freedom.
Butwill Ashley have the inner-fortitude to survive the journey to recoveryand the effects of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder? Will Ashley find hervoice, speak up for herself, and break the bondage of her abusive past?
Realizing"she's gonna need a lot more than we have," David and Bev enlist thehelp of Scott "Dr. Matt" Matthews, an experienced, slightlyunconventional therapist who insists that Ashley can and must come outof hiding in the closet in her mind.
TheChris Crutcher novel, Ironman, is taught by Beverly Asher in the summerschool class. When T.W.'s overbearing parents read the book, theydecide that the book should be censored, and they involve the pastor ofPatience's largest, most conservative church to lead the fight throughthe Purify Patience organization.
Itsmission is to cleanse Patience of Profanity, Promiscuity, andParent-Bashing Pedagogy—all complaints the group has about the novel,Ironman.
Itshidden agenda, however, is to return Patience to a time when "Patiencewas 100% white", "women knew their place","everyone had plenty ofmoney", and "Christian values were taught in school."
Thecensoring, pseudo-Christian, white-supremacist, misogynist organizationis exposed for what it is in a courageous move by one of its own(well..his mother threatens to twist his ear off if he doesn't speakup), isolating the pastor and causing most of his "flock" to deny theyever knew him.
Nationaland world press attention shine speculation on the dirty little secretshidden in Patience, and its inhabitants are forced to examine their ownvalues and beliefs.
Alonein the dark, Ashley must face her worst fears in a pivotal scenebetween her, Charlie, and her mother. Will she find the strength toadvocate for her own right to exist in a world that is free of fear andabuse? Can she, like her friends, find Courage in Patience?
Praise and Reviews
Reviews from Publications
BOOKLIST Review
Nine-year-old
Ashley Asher was pleased when her mother started a relationship with
Charlie Baker. Charlie, Ashley thought, would be the father she never
had. She was 9 then; now 15, she recounts the story of how her dream
life soon turned to nightmare, commencing with the first time Charlie
touched her inappropriately.
For years she
tolerated it—not only the sexual abuse but also the emotional
manipulation her stepfather inflicted on her—until one day she
confronted both Charlie and her mother.
To
Ashley’s horror, her mother sided with Charlie, leaving the teenager to
find her own way, prompting her to reestablish a connection with her
biological father. Though the subject matter is undeniably dark,
Fehlbaum manages to keep the tone surprisingly light and hopeful. This
hard-hitting but readable story about an infinitely troubling subject
will resonate with all readers but especially with other survivors of
abuse or with those who work with those survivors.
— Mary Frances Wilkens
PUBLISHER'S WEEKLY Review
Fehlbaum's debut novel, set in a small Texas town, is overloaded with thorny issues and hindered by a “very special episode” tone, but
features a genuine and empathetic lead. After enduring six years of
sexual abuse from her step-father, 14-year-old Ashley Asher finally
gathers the courage to confide in her mother; predictably, mom sides
with step-dad. Soon, Ashley is sent to live with her estranged birth
father, David, and his new wife and son. Though he's now a kind man
who's put his life-long anger issues behind him, Ashley still struggles
to trust her father. His wife, Bev, a high school English teacher,
brings Ashley into her extended family of summer school students; a
controversial reading assignment, Ironman by Chris Crutcher, provides
the novel's other hot-button issues—racism, censorship, homophobia and
religious extremism. An over-the-top scandal is followed by Bev's hokey, message-laden testimonial before the local school board. Throughout,
Ashley's self-destructive tendencies, conflicted feelings and struggle
with post-traumatic stress disorder read authentically; had
Fehlbaum focused more on her recovery, rather than a raft of societal
woes, this story would have been more powerful. (Sept.)
Terry Trueman, Printz-Honor-award-winning HarperTeen author, loved Courage in Patience
"I
see some interesting (sucky word I know) parallels between the
struggles of Ashley and Shawn-obviously their situations are different
but that common denominator is the struggle of the human spirit to
overcome what, for many people are experiences that they can never
overcome, and of course the fact that both of us are writing from
places of being deeply hurt and wounded by life, yet making those hurts
and wounds into material that can make the world a bit better place.
It's great to have company in such a struggle."
--
In reference to the similarities between Shawn, protagonist of Terry's
Printz-Honor-award-winning novel, Stuck in Neutral, to Ashley, the
protagonist of Courage in Patience.
"
Courage in Patience is a gutsy, well-crafted story. The best literature, for me, always come from the pain we survive and grow from."
"Courage in Patience is a powerfully written and unforgettable story of survival and growth--the best of the human spirit."
"My admiration for Beth Fehlbaum is enormous--she has taken a
painful chapter from her own life and turned it into a work of art that
will help many people--congrats Beth!"
Visit Terry Trueman's website to learn more about this amazing author and see his looooong list of awards. http://www.terrytrueman.com
Reviews from Teen Readers
From Ashley Thompson, a teen reader with the site, Books Are My Love:
Friday, May 22, 2009
Courage in Patience
Title: Courage in Patience
Author: Beth Fehlbaum
Grade: A
Rating: R--- extreme sexual violence at parts. Lots of swearing
Summary: Ashley Asher’s life can easily be described in one saying,
“Effed up”. Her step dad gets off on treating poor Ashley like a piece
of meat. It takes things getting super bad for Ashley to realize she
can't fight anymore, that she shouldn’t have to. She must discover who
she really is and that not every man is out there to get her. This
lesson can only be learned through the pure love of her true father.
My thoughts: This was honestly the best book I have read in
forever. The story portrayed honest emotions that at times made me feel
that I was reading a non-fiction story. The characters were all unique,
everyone could find themselves somewhere within the story. Never before
have I found a novel that addresses broken families, sexual abuse, and
racism so clearly. Beth dear, you have officially passed Judy Blume on
my best authors list. That’s saying a lot!
Recommendation: Before you decide to read this make sure you are
emotionally ready. The abuse in this novel is shown very strongly. I
would wait until you are at least 14.
Flamingnet
Book Reviews, a site with book reviews by teens, awarded Courage in
Patience a "Top Choice" Award. This is the review written by the 15 YO
reviewer:
Whoosh.
That's the sound that Ashley Asher hears when her stepfather sexually
abuses her. As a fifteen-year old she is no longer a child, but she
never was an ordinary child to begin with. She endures emotional and
physical pain while living with her biological mother, who doesn't care
for her at all, and her abusive stepfather. The only way to save
herself is to confront her mother and reveal the years of abuse she has
received from her stepfather. When Ashley finally has the courage to
tell her mother of the painful details of her horrific childhood, her
mother turns her back on Ashley and continues to believe that nothing
is wrong. The only people that care and are concerned for her safety
are Ashley's friends and her teacher. When her teacher contacts
Ashley's father (who Ashley has never seen) her life is turned upside
down. She leaves her selfish mother and abusive stepfather to live with
her caring biological father and stepmother in Patience. She learns
that there are people out there that care about her and would do
anything to protect her. It is where Ashley finally understands the
meaning of...love.
Courage in Patience was an emotional,
heart-warming book that is unforgettable and hard to put down. I
haven't read a book like this in a long time. It makes you realize that
life comes in many forms and how it begins or ends all depends on you
as a person. Even though I have never endured the pain that Ashley did,
I could feel inside of me what she felt when her mother turned her back
on Ashley and how her heart shattered into little pieces. It was just
so detailed, it felt like my heart was shattering into little pieces as
well. When she moves to live with her biological dad, it felt as though
my heart was healing along with Ashley's. I think this book will really
touch the hearts of every reader and give them the sense of let-down
and then the sense of somebody pulling you back on your feet and giving
you the chance to live a life of hope and courage. I would recommend
this book to anyone who has a heart, which includes everyone.
Reviewer Age:15
ReviewerCity, State and Country: Gearhart, Or U.S.A.
From Angels That Care, a site devoted to helping victims/survivors of sexual abuse:
Courage in Patience.Not
wanting to think about sexual abuse -- let alone another child
suffering through rape -- I stalled by focusing on the title. How
clever it had been for the author to set most of the action in a town
called Patience. At least read the rest of this summary, I thought. It
quickly became clear that although the book is a novel, Beth Fehlbaum
did not write it from the perspective of a person standing outside
looking in. She, too, was sexually assaulted as a child. Not only has
she faced what happened, she has worked through her pain so she can
help others see that they are not alone. Instead of letting stress burn
her up inside, she braved smoke and flames in order to throw open a
window. That is her holding out a flag that says in large, bold
letters, You are not a victim, you are you. No one is more valuable.
Fear and anger must not be allowed to consume you. There is a rainbow
at the end of the long, storm-prone road to recovery, and that road
leads to a smoother one.
Knowing all this
did not keep me from stalling again. Child abuse -- particularly sexual
abuse -- is not academic to me. The very idea makes scars that time has
not healed throb. I became a writer in the hope that shedding light
will eventually dry the sludge poisoning my psyche enough that some
will blow away. What doesn't can be channeled to some far-off sea,
where it will immediately sink to the bottom, never to surface again.
Pouring hurt onto paper has helped Ink fades, after all. You can burn
paper if you have to. But no matter what you do, a certain amount of
residue is going to cling. What you need to do is season it with love
and understanding, then make a healing poultice of the mixture and
spread it around. I am so glad I quite stalling. Because Courage in
Patience does just that.
Beth Fehlbaum has written a story that I guarantee will stay with you.
Her characters are fully developed, not Joan of Arcs and Darth Vaders.
She was so smart not to make a goodie-goodie of the girl who is the
target of the abuse. Not only do you empathize, you end up aching for
her to find a way out of the dark! The man who abuses her acts
despicably, but he is human. Only a stone would not hurt when reading
about the rapes, but what stabbed me the deepest was the mother's
betrayal. It brought memories to the surface that I do my best to keep
in the graves I worked hard and long to dig and fill. The only time I
unearth them is when I am writing. When I write about them, it is in
the hope of killing them. (Know I can't, but it would be dishonest to
pretend I don't try.) Like Beth Fehlbaum, I harbor the hope that my
ordeal will ring enough bells to ease others' pain and and make at
least a few abusers seek help.
One reservation that I had in the beginning was that the novel was
really two, and should be split. I was wrong. The book is not "about
sexual abuse." It is not "about racial discrimination." It is about
accepting who we are. It is about accepting each other. It is about
faith. It is about gut-level courage and dogged patience and the value
-- no, the absolute necessity -- of a free, well-rounded, genuinely
enlightened education. It is about the worst in us and the best in us.
I love to read books that somehow manage to entertain while teaching
important lessons. That teach without teaching down! Courage in
Patience is all this and more. Were there medals for fortitude and
compassion, she would surely qualify.
I am convinced that one of the mega-publishers will pick up the novel.
I am hoping that the editions they print will be in standard,
single-spaced format. Double-spacing makes the book look longer than it
is. This is a very minor drawback. I only mention it because I would
like to see Courage in Patience reach millions. If you haven't read it,
you are missing out.
Author/Editor Phyllis Jean D. Green
From http://floretacui.blogspot.com/2009/02/courage-in-patience.html
There
was something inside my mom, like there is, at this point anyway, in
me, that says we don't deserve respect of our boundaries. Not that we
have any in the first place. It's a sense of worthlessness and
emptiness, like being a cup with a crack in it. No matter how many
times the cup is filled, with, for example, the love that David and Bev
show me, it leaks out, because I don't love myself yet. I'm not willing
to fight for me, and it comes out in torrents of rage.
Courage in Patience - Beth Fehlbaum
I was drawn to this book like a moth to the flame. At the library,
from a distance, I saw the front cover featured on the shelf directly
in front of my line of vision. I walked towards it as if I had been
searching for the book all along. I had never seen it before in my life
but something about it attracted me. Maybe it was the bright contrasted
complimentaries of red and green. Maybe it was the way the character's
back is focused instead of her face. Whatever it was, I walked straight
to it and picked it up to examine the back cover.
I have a process when picking up books, and yes, I do
judge a book by its cover (as a graphic designer, how can I not?). I'll
skim the back cover, and if my interest is still peaked, I'll open up
the front pages and skim the table of contents, if applicable. Courage in Patience
is about a teenager who has suffered from sexual abuse since the age of
8. At first, I thought it was a memoir, but when I delved into the
first chapter, I realized it was a fiction geared towards young adults
and classroom study. This book is amazing and the first chapter hooked
me in. … Maybe I was meant to read this book. Maybe there was a reason
it caught my eye and I was drawn to it so. Courage in Patience
is a book about survival, and I am a survivor. I am not a quitter. I
won't give up on myself. I refuse to. I may have my moments, but I will
always pick myself up again. It is a book not just about abuse, but
also tolerance to anyone who dares to be different, or to anyone who
has no choice but be different; tackling racism, fundamentalism, abuse
and other issues. It endeavors to resolve the tough subject of
self-acceptance with hope. Something we can all resonate with.
Letters from Readers:
Thank you for writing the title: Courage in Patience.
It is incredible. Really! My hat is way off to you for putting it
together. It seems very realistic. Especially the descriptions of East
Texas...LOL I grew up in a town called Whitehouse, Texas.
We moved there when I was 12. Three thousand and not growing,
Whitehouse was it's own little island behind the curtain of pine trees.
Recently
a wise prayer-group leader in his eighties mentioned that four areas of
emotion could be the roots of alot of emotional ills. Fear,
guilt/shame, hate, low self-esteem....When I read your book I feel
these (all four) and they bring tears and real sadness.
In
sum, I just really appreciate the writing as I see the possibility of
my own story one day emerging. I have been writing all year without a
focus...so I have completed and published devotionals, newspaper and
magazine articles, but nothing in fiction yet. That is my mountain.
Still gaining, but your book touches me so deeply. And motivates me to
move forward with my real goal: a fictional book containing the
elements of my suffering in a bad marriage.
It is ten years
later and we are all still healing. I was not abused sexually as a
child, but lacked self-esteem and married a great looking, charming
guy. Only he controlled my every move and attempted to control my
thoughts. So mean; so cruel. We still have several court battles to go,
as he does not commit to support his own two children. I left and this
guy and it was the best decision of my life. My two children struggle
to love their own father. They secretly just desire unconditional
love....something that stirs so deeply in all of us. Your main
character was so real and so clear to relate to...thank you. It really
touched me.
Sincerely,
NAME WITHHELD
****
Beth,
Just
a quick note to let you know that your book is fantastic! I'm confident
you'll find a new home for your book soon. Gina has always spoken well
of you, and I'm sure she'll work hard on your behalf.
Linda Matias
www.careerstrides.com
Author
- How to Say It Job Interviews
- 201 Knockout Answers to Tough Interview Questions
The Ultimate Guide to Handling the New Competency-Based Interview Style
*****
--- On Tue, 7/22/08, NAME WITHHELD> wrote:
From: NAME WITHHELD
Subject: about your book
To: beth@bethfeldman.com
Date: Tuesday, July 22, 2008, 12:55 PM
| Your article was in the Monday morning Tyler paper here in Texas. I read it and reread it and then went online and read the first part and cried that you had to go through so much. I am a woman from Ohio who moved here to Texas
10 yrs ago and I was raped and abused when I was 13 yrs old and I am
now almost 62 and have held this all in all these years. The
only ones that knew were my grandmother who was taking care of me and
unfortunatley I got pregnant and I gave the baby up for adoption since
I couldnt raise a child at that age ..I knew ther were good people who
could give my son a good home that I couldnt and love and everythng he
would ever need and back then it was spoken of. Just told people I had
a disease and had to stay home. I have never had counseling of any kind
and until I moved here and became a CHristian and became married again
and I became more involoved int he Lord and my minister's wife and I
became such good friends and I knew then that the Lord brought her into
my life so I could tell her. ALll these years I have kept this bottled
up inside and that was the most terrible thing I could have done but I
didnt know what to do then. We never spoke of this at home
whatsoever and I had a loving grandmother. I went on to have 2 more
sons but this one son is on my mind every day of my life and I feel so
guilty. The reason I am emailing you is to thank you for
coming out with your book and hoping to be able to buy it when it comes
out on Sept first..A friend of mine who is also 13 here is Texas
was just raped and beated severely last week and I want a book for her
too. Because to this day I still feel its my fault and I want to help
her. Bless you and all you do..youhave no idea how many people
you will help by writing this book and bringing it out in the open. Its
awful keeping this inside as many years as I did..the most pain I have
even felt. Once again thank you so very much and May God Bless You Sincerely NAME WITHHELD |
*****
Dear Beth,
Thank
you for writing Courage in Patience. I read this book because I thought
it might help a friend, but it helped me to understand some of my own
behaviors. I have many signs of having suffered some sexual abuse, but
I have no memories. From time to time I seem to zone out and act less
assertive than anyone who knows me now expects. Reading
about Ash's recovery and her talks with Bev helped me to understand
what apparently happens to me. It is a huge relief, it helps me to
forgive myself, it affirms my courage, and it gives me hope that I will
continue to heal.
Sincerely,
NAME WITHHELD
*****
Hello Beth,
I have read your book, Courage in Patience, and I really enjoyed
it. I do plan to post a review very soon on my personal book blog - Bobbi's Book Nook.
I have recommended your book to the Mercer County Public Library,
but until they actually have a copy in the library, I can't do a review
on their website - MCPLib.
I will send you an email with the link as soon as my review is posted. And thanks for visiting the Mercer Library's book review blog!
Sincerely,
Bobbi Rightmyer
*****
July 15, 2009
Beth,
I just started to write a snail-mail note to thank you for the book. Then I remembered 30 something's only use digital.
How
wonderful of you to send me a copy of Courage in Patience. You can be
proud of that work! It will be a lifeline for girls (and boys)
experiencing that trauma. The writing hit so close to my own life. My
heart was pounding as I read. Bless you and keep writing -please. So
many have walked that path and have no voice to describe the pain
-Ashley sure does.
I thank God for you and for your talent!
Dr. Mary Ann Manos
Assistant Superintendent
Eureka Schools - District 140
109 W Cruger Ave
Eureka, IL 61530
(309) 467-3737
*****
From Ira Lightman, an artist and poet who lives in the UK:
Enjoying the chance to read your novel. It's great.
It seems also to be about hope in patience, little struck matches of
hope. That moves me.
*****
July 17, 2009 letter from a reader regarding Courage in Patience
I
finally finished the book. It was so good! Thank you for writing it. I
was raped (If you call forcing a blow job on someone rape) as a
teenager, but did face it and confronted the kid who did it to me.
There are so many out there who do not do that or feel like they can't.
When I realized, a few years later, that it wasn't my fault and what
had happened to me, I got pissed and contacted the guy. He apologized
to me and I ended up forgiving him, but had nothing to do with him
after that.
It was freeing though to be able to tell him what he did to me and
how it hurt me and affected my life for a few years after that. I will
have to tell you in person someday. I would also really like to know
your story.
I also loved how you put "truth" out there. I am a Christian, but
do not want to be so close minded that I don't see people. That is one
thing that I have always feared. Being a Christian means loving people
where they are at and not looking down on anyone, but putting others
above yourself. Anyway, it was really great to read it! I cried,
laughed and was sitting on pins and needles as to what will happen next
at certain points. I am looking forward to your next book.
*****
Organizations that help promote Courage in Patience:
Survivors In Action, Inc.
4354 Town Center Blvd., Suite 114-143
El Dorado Hills, CA95762
(916) 941-7292
(916) 941-7216 fax
July 8, 2009
RE: Review & Support for Courage In Patience
It is an honor for Survivors In Action, a national non-profit crime victims organization, to recommend Courage In Patience as one of the best all-time books regarding the subject of child abuse and overcoming victimization.
Author Beth Fehlbaum has an amazing ability to make her words come to life in a matter of seconds. Everyone who reads Courage is trapped within its pages until the story ends.
Courage in Patience
is a timeless book for all ages. Survivors In Action is proud to be a
part of promoting the book on our web sites, blogs, newsletters and
other media formats, to help inspire everyone to learn as the
protagonist, young Ashley, does, how to overcome adversity, while
inspiring others to speak out about the topic of sexual abuse, which is
often a difficult one to speak or write about.
Sincerely,
Alexis A. Moore, President
Survivors In Action
www.SurvivorsInAction.com
“No Victim Left Behind”
*****
Lavender Power (http://www.lavenderpower.org)- Courage in Patience was featured in its online zine, Lavender Magazine(http://www.freewebs.com/mypainfulsmiles/), and I'm in its Hall of Successors
Patti Rase Hopson, President
lavenderpower@hotmail.com
http://www.facebook.com/Lavenderpowercofounder
